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I’m currently writing this on my bed while my daughter runs around in the living room.
She’s five, and loves all things Elsa and Anna.
Her days consist of what to do, what to eat, where we’ll go and who she’ll get to play with (okay . . . It’s a little more than that. Kids are aware of way more than we think.
But the point is that life is simple for her now.
Though, of course, it won’t always be.
Someday she’ll go out into the great wide world and need more than the lyrics of “Let it Go” to get her by.
And as adults, we know that whatever the age of our daughters, we want to prepare them for life and what it holds.
So, as a mother and daughter myself, here’s a list of things that every girl should be taught before (or even after) she sets out on her own adventure.
How to budget and invest
I love my parents, but I wish they’d taught me more about how to budget and invest money.
Every woman needs to understand how to handle money so that she can be financially independent. And, down the road, make smart money decisions with her spouse.
I’m a big Dave Ramsey fan, so I love this book to teach the basics.
How to write notes and letters (or *ahem* emails!)
Some may consider letter and note writing to be a dying skill, but it still applies in the digital age.
It’s helpful to know how to write notes and cards for others as a courtesy or thank you. And, though handwritten letters are less common, I just had to compose a formal, digital letter in a google doc a couple weeks ago!
Knowing the correct way to address others in writing (and then address the envelope, if needed) is something every girl should know.
How to take risks
We live in a culture where many are afraid to let their children–and especially their daighters–do simple things like play outside.
We seem to think that wrapping our children in bubble wrap clear to adulthood is protecting them.
It’s not.
Children–especially girls, whom society tends to teach to be perfectly careful–need risk.
They need tree-climbing, the chance to learn new sports, the chance to express different opinions, etc.
Risk-taking is vital to developing confidence and is associated with increased cognitive abilities (though it can also be associated with messiness–but that can be sorted later).
And while too much risk-taking is, of course, a problem; for the sake of our daughters’ mental health and stability, we need to give them the chance to take acceotable risks and fail so they’ll reap the benefits as adults.
How to have relationship with God
This point may not be for everyone, but I, for one, am grateful my parents taught me to connect with God.
Because they taught me how to be close to Him, I’m able pray for guidance and help and recognize how He speaks back to me.
This relationship has been an anchor and guiding star for times of trouble, and I think it’s an asset for our daughters when we teach them that God is there for them too.
How to declutter
Okay, this skill may sound dumb to some–but it’s important for our girls (and, frankly, everyone) to know how to discern between things they use and need and don’t use and need.
Too many people spend far too much of their life working around and maintaining objects they don’t use. It’s just not worth it, and it’s a waste of their potential.
We don’t want that for our girls.
How to dress and look nice
I’m not saying they should dress like a 1950s housewife or put their hair up like Judy Garland, but what I am saying is that everyone should know how to not look like trash!
Girls should be able to do their hair in a few styles that they enjoy, know how to dress to flatter their body type, and be able to do tasteful make-up.
It’s important in the workplace and just part of being a functional human being.
How to use tools
Why do we still teach boys to use power tools and not girls?
I’m glad my parents never cared, but I still see it in families at times.
When they go off to school, it’s helpful for girls to know how to fix their washer or change their tire.
How to build healthy friendships
Some might not think of this as a skill, but it is.
Knowing how to care and be cared about takes practice.
All of us have the ability to deliberately cultivate a circle of friends who support us and who feel supported by us–it just takes some know-how to do that.
How to chart her cycle
Something that FAR too many women don’t know is that they can track the phases of their cycle and their fertility at home with basic tools–and predict it with 99% accuracy.
To be clear, there are lots of BAD ways to do this. This is not writing down the beginning and end of a woman’s period. Nor is it using ovulation strips every day to figure out ovulation.
It’s tracking proven bench markers such as cervical fluid, cervical position, and basal body temperature to know exactly when ovulation and hormonal shifts will happen.
I highly recommend the book The Fertility Awareness Method to learn how to do this correctly.
I wish I’d been taught this about my body as a teenager. It’s depressing that as women we’re taught to pop a pill, get an IUD, or even undergo surgery rather than understand our bodies–especially when correct charting is so effective at preventing pregnancy and then helping couples to achieve it when desired.
How to clean up after herself
Everyone should be taught what’s needed to have a clean living space. They need to know how to clean a bathroom, how to do dishes, how to vacuum, how to do laundry, and how to keep their items in order.
Not only should they know how to do those things, but they should understand the rhythm of routines to help them do those things regularly.
If you want a good starting point for that for yourself or your daughter, check out my minimalist cleaning routine.
How to meal plan and grocery shop
Oh, meal planning!
I used to semi-dread it, but it’s saved me *so* much time and money.
It’s not hard to teach. I would recommend having a week now and then where your daughter (or son–because they should know how to do it too!) does this with you. I’d recommend doing it on break so that school doesn’t conflict.
Have her make up a list of meals and create a shopping list with the needed ingredients you don’t have at home. Let her come with you and maybe even run your card through the register to pay (she has to learn how to do it at some point!).
Then let her be the one to plan and prep the meals, with your guidance.
If your child is younger, this starts when you let them help with different aspects of cooking. Then, when they’re older, you can let them pick one meal now and then to make with you and gradually progress to them doing it independently.
How to buy a car
I remember when my husband and I lost BOTH of our cars within 24 hours of each other (one was wrecked, one was mechanically irreparable).
We had to basically walk onto a car lot and be willing to buy whatever they had. We couldn’t live without a car.
And, I wish I’d been taught how to buy one (rather than just having to frantically read articles online beforehand), because we made a lot of mistakes.
But we all live and we learn. And here I am, telling you (based on my experience) that your daughter needs you to teach her this!
Let your kids come with you whenever you buy a car and explain things to them so that they can at least have a basic grasp on the process when it’s their turn.
How to organize
I believe organizing is a skill. Intuitive for some, yes. Learnable for all? Absolutely.
Every woman should know the basics of organizing items and events.
How you teach this depends on you, but for objects I’d recommend having your daughter take the clutterbug quiz and practice applying it in her room.
For teaching event organization, I’d give my daughter a chance to organize and host parties and get togethers.
Remember, she may fail, but that’s okay. It’s better for her to fail and learn than to not try. (Plus, I think failing with grace is a life skill. More on that later.)
How to defend herself
Every dad wants his daughter to be safe. Every mom too, for that matter. There’s not much to debate about it.
How you teach self-defense depends entirely on you, but I’d suggest something like taekwondo, boxing, or even just basic self-defense classes.
And, if you want to take it a step further, I think it’s smart to learn how to use basic weaponry for emergency situations.
How to handle things when they don’t go her way
Ah, failure. My old friend.
We all fail and have things that don’t work out like we want. How we choose to handle it is what makes or breaks our character.
It’s important to be grateful for the lessons learned when we fail. It’s also important to be able to still treat those around us with professionalism when we are frustrated.
How do we teach our daughters this?
We allow them the chance to fail and have setbacks beginning in early childhood (in a safe environment). And. we model how to handle failure ourselves, so that when their turn rolls around, they’ll be ready.
How to relax and have fun
Believe it or not, relaxing is a skill.
It’s important to know how (as well as the appropriate time to) kick back and relax.
In life, your daughter is sure to discover that burnout is real, especially if she doesn’t take time to recharge.
So, teach your daughter through words and actions how to relax at appropriate times.
How to understand body language
I’m not saying girls should be experts, but it’s helpful to know how to watch for cues of interest and disinterest in others, as well as signals that someone is lying.
Knowing these cues and signals is useful in the workplace as well as in settings with friends and family.
How to see things from someone else’s shoes
We live in a world of increasing divisions, and I’m guessing that (sadly) it won’t get better anytime soon.
With the growing diversity of opinions, it’s an important skill to be able to see other’s points of view and meet in the middle.
Teaching your daughter how to do this will enable her to gracefully navigate conversations in work, friendships, politics, and more (even when she has her own opinions that she knows she wants to stick to!)
How to buy a house
If the American dream is to own a house, it would follow that every American should know how to do it.
But in my experience, many don’t.
Far too many people aren’t aware of the various loan options out there, the innumerable pitfalls (like bad home inspectors or the fact that lead tests aren’t required for old houses), and much more.
If you don’t know enough about this, educate yourself. Then, teach your daughters so that one day they’ll be able to handle this purchase with confidence.
How to talk to herself
Whether big or small, your daughter will likely face many challenges in her life. Others will have plenty to say on the matter, but the voice that will matter the most is her own.
She needs to learn positive self-talk.
Positive self-talk involves replacing inner criticism with optimism and hope. It doesn’t mean you don’t see the bad situations–only that you also strive to see the good in them.
And, according to the Mayo Clinic, positive self-talk is associated with a reduced risk of major illness and health issues (including cancer!), so it’s probably a good practice to pick up yourself.
How to say no
Lots of people in this life love to be told yes, but for her own protection and sanity, your daughter needs to know how to say no.
Being able to say no gracefully but firmly will save her a lot of trouble with romantic partners, finances, and much, much more.
How to use tech responsibly
Increased tech use is associated with ADHD, lower social and emotional intelligence, and higher rates of anxiety/depression. But, tech use can also be associated with increased neural activity (learning), the development of memory and problem-solving skills, and better self-management of mental illness–all depending on what apps you use.
Our daughters should know how to self-regulate their time on electronics, and recognize when the way they’re using them is helping or hurting them.
I think one of the best ways to teach this is by asking questions about how she feels after using tech, e.g. “How do you feel after watching TV so long?” Or “Does your brain feel healthy and strong after doing that?” (Of course modify these to make them age appropriate–and note that I personally don’t recommend letting young kids watch excessive television).
How to learn
In our modern age, useful skills seem to come and go (especially with the rise of AI), but one thing that will stay constant is the need to learn and adapt.
If your daughter can love learning and be willing to constantly apply that love, she will be well served in the workplace and at home.
How to recognize gaslighting and emotional manipulation
I wish I had understood this better. My family was pretty good growing up, but we didn’t talk about things like this.
Now, as an adult, I view recognizing emotional manipulation as a life skill.
Far too many emotional abusers will use these tactics as a way to keep a woman with them, and it’s important for your daughter to know what they are so that she can see the red flags before becoming integrated with anyone.
How to debate gracefully
Like mentioned previously, the divisions between various groups of people are probably only going to get worse in the years to come.
A vital ability is going to be being able to disagree and debate points of view without raising the ire of others.
Teach your daughter how to discuss and defend topics rationally, and she will thank you. Though, if she hasn’t left home yet you may find yourself ‘debating’ a great deal and wish you could do it less.
Try and reframe those teenage arguments as debate-learning opportunities.
Prepare Your Daughter for Life
If you stuck with me through all of that, you may be feeling overwhelmed by now.
But, try not to be.
Whether your daughter is 1, 18, or 32; there are still opportunities for you to teach her.
It’s like that old saying about eating the elephant one bite at a time.
Work to teach your daughter these skills piece by piece and bit by bit, and model them where you can, and over time she’ll learn them.
And, don’t forget to be patient with yourself in your journey too.
You’ve got this.
