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We live in a world with lots of changing currents and crazy stuff happening all the time. And, with all the chaos and opinions, grandparents are more important than ever, because what you say can impact your grandchildren for good (I know–I had a grandparent live with me and have three kids that are lucky enough to see their grandparents a lot).
But, I get that it can be hard to know what to say. So, I made up this list to help y’all out. Some of these really helped me, some of them have helped my children, and some of them are things I’m excited to say to my own grandkids someday.
So, without further ado, let’s get started.
If you keep working hard, you’ll get better
This is a classic lesson, but it’s classic because it’s valuable. Kids need to know that not being good at something does NOT need to be permanent. Hard work and practice always pay off. Your grandkids can get better at things that they keep trying at.
And the reason we want to praise hard work is because this is an example of praising effort rather than praising attributes.
Praising effort means enforcing and positively noticing behaviors that are about growth.
Praising attributes includes things like “You’re so smart!” Which sounds nice, but can contribute to what’s called a fixed mindset. You can read more about that here.
I’m proud of you for choosing to do what’s right
Doing the right thing is always a choice. Sometimes it’s an easy one–and sometimes it’s not.
But, we can choose to emphasize that we’re proud of our grandkids having character and choosing to do a good thing, even if it is hard.
Doing this is (again) a way that we can praise effort rather than attributes. (E.g. praise that they thought about a choice carefully beforehand; don’t just say “You’re a good boy/girl”).
Praising effort rather than attributes is super helpful for kids!
What do you want to do?
This is a great way to help your grandkids feel seen and loved.
Both little kids and teenagers so often feel unlistened to by the adults in their lives; having a grandparent ask them what they want to do lets them know that you view their wants as valid
I’m so proud of you for trying
Failure is a common trend in life, and sooner or later it’s important that we learn how to handle it well.
Here again, praising their efforts rather than the outcome teaches your grandchildren that the important thing is to just keep trying and learning–because sooner or later the efforts are going to pay off.
I forgive you / Will you forgive me?
Because we all make mistakes, we also all have to forgive. Grandparents can model forgiving behavior by giving forgiveness freely and asking for it when they mess up too.
God loves you
It’s up to you if you want to say this or not, but I think everyone needs to know that God loves them, regardless of their mistakes.
Believing in God and having a relationship with Him is tied to better mental health and physical health.
I think that’s because we are meant to believe in Him and know He’s there. So, share His love with your grandchildren!
Work hard for your dreams
Not all dreams will work out (your 6-year-old grandson probably won’t become spider-man like they want).
But, you can remind them that almost anything is possible through goals-setting and hard work.
This mindset starts young; teach your grandkids to set little goals and achieve them. That way they’ll have the confidence to follow through when they get older and can set bigger goals.
Let’s do something nice for ____
Giving service is an important part of life, and (it turns out) our biology.
Regular service is tied to increased health.
And besides the selfish benefit, it’s just good to be a kind human being.
Teach your grandchildren how to give service and be kind to others by going and doing it with them.
I will always love you
Love isn’t conditional. It establishes rules and boundaries, yes, but true love is still there regardless of what rules and boundaries need to be put in place for everyone’s protection.
Young kids and teenagers alike need to know that they will always be cared for and loved, even when they make a mistake.
This kind of love is what’s going to give them motivation to keep going if they mess up down the line.
And yes, this is backed by science. Children who are taught that they are loved in spite of mistakes have better emotional health as adults.
It’s okay to be afraid
It’s normal to get scared. And, it’s actually really important for kids to know that it’s okay to feel frightened. They need to learn how to express their emotions and work through them–not suppress them.
So, when your grandkid’s scared of something, tell them it’s okay to feel afraid.
Then do something to help reassure them, like offering to hold their hand or to sit with them until they feel better.
Don’t negate their feelings of concern. Just help them work through them.
I always have time for you
Kids get brushed off All. The. Time. But, we know that the positive time kids get with their caregivers improves cognitive well-being.
You can help with this by letting your grandchildren know that you are always there for them too–and then show them you mean it by taking time to be with them whenever they need it.
Your body is a gift
In my other article about 25 Things Kids Always Notice, I mentioned how children learn body talk from adults. Teach your grandchildren positive body talk. Let them know (in appropriate ways) how wonderful your body is and how amazing their bodies are!
I’m grateful for you
Everyone needs to know they’re appreciated. Grandchildren are no different
I’ve had people tell me they’re grateful for me, it always feels good. It’s nice when someone appreciates you for who you are.
How did it go?
Your grandchildren need to know you’re invested in them and that you truly want to know them.
Asking them how something went let’s them know that you care and also gives them a chance to talk and share with you.
You can do this
Children need to know we believe in their ability to accomplish tasks
However, there is a catch.
They need to know you genuinely believe it.
Giving kids “inflated” or unrealistic praise (e.g. “You can do anything!”) is actually connected to lower self-esteem for some children (especially those with already lower self-esteem) because it sets unrealistic expectations for their future performance.
So, when you believe they can do something, tell them. If you’re not sure, be realistic but positive. “You can try! It’s fun to try new things.”)
It’s okay to make mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes. But it’s how we handle them that matters.
Grandkids need to know that their mistakes aren’t the end of the world–they’re just part of the learning curve, and now they can try again!
This goes right along with helping them to develop the growth mindset I mentioned earlier.
I trust you
Being told that you’re trustworthy is a big deal.
In a joint study with other universities, the Harvard Graduate School of Education found that kids who are regularly told they are trustworthy and entrusted with small tasks (e.g. holding car keys if they’re little, or letting them do a bigger task if they’re older) are more likely to be honest.
So, give your grandkids tasks that show your trust and let them know you trust them. It will help them develop a stronger character.
You remind me of [insert family member]
This may sound strange, but kids need to know about their family history.
In fact, according to this study, a knowledge of family history is associated with higher self-esteem because it gives kids a sense of belonging and direction.
I loved being told as a child about how I reminded people of positive traits in my family (e.g. You have a mechanical mind, like great uncle Jake). It made me feel proud of those traits, and gave me a desire to develop them.
The caveat here is to keep things positive. You want your grandchildren to feel hopeful and excited as a result of any connections you make. Be sure not to connect them to negative traits or trends (e.g.you’re just like uncle Sam–who was a drunk and ruined his life).
Be sure and remind your grandkids about their potential to develop these traits more. Again, you want them to have a growth mindset, not a fixed one.
I love getting to be with you
Who doesn’t love being told that someone enjoys their company?
This is a no-brainer point. Grandkids should know their grandparents like spending time with them, and this phrase lets them know that.
What did you learn today?
Lifelong learning has many cognitive benefits, and teaching a love of learning while young is only going to help your grandkids.
So, ask them what they’ve learned each day. Soon they might be looking for things to learn so that they can tell you about it!
Beauty on the inside is what matters
I learned while writing about the things kids notice that kids start noticing outward appearances while very young, and will even use fashion by the age of 7 to determine if they should befriend other people or not.
It’s important that we teach children and adolescents to care for their bodies but also know that beauty inside–character, kindness, integrity etc.–is what matters more in life.
Someone is going to make it. Why not you?
This is just a basic life mindset to remember.
Someone will always come out on top. So, there’s no reason it can’t be you. Does your grandchild want to be top of the class? The winner of the science fair? The star of the musical?
Remind them that someone will be. And, it can be them if they put in the work to do it.
Tell me more
This study in Japan during the pandemic showed how being listened to and heard was associated with higher quality of life in children and adolescents.
While correlation is not causation, the researchers theorized that being listened to and heard improved the children’s well-being.
And, research aside, everyone likes to be heard. Asking your grandchildren to tell you more about topics they’re interested in lets them know you care (and gives you a chance to connect with them).
Will you do it with me?
This is one that will vary depending on the age of your grandchildren, but everyone loves to be included.
Kids–especially little kids–want to help (like I mentioned before; being entrusted with small responsibilities is good for them), and adolescents like to be heard and included (especially if you can make it interesting for them).
Whenever possible, ask your grandkids to do things with you rather than pushing off spending time with them until you’re “free.”
Telling Your Grandkids These 25 Things Will Strengthen Your Relationship
Grandchildren are a gift, and I know you want to treasure them. I hope this article gave you some ideas on how to keep your connection with them strong.
If you found it helpful, please give it a share or re-pin, and comment down below on what positive things you like to tell your grandchildren!
